My Native Culture
All things considered, I'm looking forward to my return to the States. But an email from an a certain non-blood relative reminded me of something I'm not looking forward to in America--Clueless people making ridiculous stereotypes about Asian Americans. To quote the email: "When I was 10 years old, I was watching a Perry Mason show. In the show a Japanese lady had been killed as part of the murder mystery. When Paul Drake, the PI, was sent to investigate the apartment of the deceased victim, he made a comment that her home was so neat that it looked like a filing cabinet. I remember very well thinking to myself, 'That's exactly how I want my home to be when I grow up'. I've endeavored to accomplish that as a standard for my personal living. So, interestingly enough, your native culture has had an impact on my life." Although I found the email humorous in a pathetic sort of way, I was also offended. Until three years ago, I had lived in the U.S. my whole life. Why isn't my native culture American then?
Being native Japanese isn't a bad thing. What is a bad thing is when people ignorantly categorize you into a group you could never truly be a member of. It's expecially bad when your true group is the same as theirs, because by designating you to the wrong group they are essentially saying, "You're not one of us."
Another relative by marriage inquired about having my father do some Japanese landscaping for her. When I said he didn't know anything about Japanese landscaping, she insisted he must because he's Japanese. After I told her he was born in the States, she said, "Well, they all pass that kind of thing along to their children." Again I insisted he couldn't do it, and added he might get offended if she asked him. Although she doubted my words, she finally gave up.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. When people back home find my husband has previously spent time in Japan, he's been asked, "Is that where you got her?" (in reference to me, his obvious souvenir wife). I'm also approached with questions of, "Do you speak English?" (Wouldn't it be easier for them to just speak English to me and find out?) and the ever-burdensome, "Where are you from?", to which my first answer is always rejected, as I couldn't possibly be from Idaho. Speaking of the Gem State, do you think this is more of a problem there than other places in the U.S. because they have so few Asian Americans? Will things be easier when I'm in Oregon? I hope so.
Being native Japanese isn't a bad thing. What is a bad thing is when people ignorantly categorize you into a group you could never truly be a member of. It's expecially bad when your true group is the same as theirs, because by designating you to the wrong group they are essentially saying, "You're not one of us."
Another relative by marriage inquired about having my father do some Japanese landscaping for her. When I said he didn't know anything about Japanese landscaping, she insisted he must because he's Japanese. After I told her he was born in the States, she said, "Well, they all pass that kind of thing along to their children." Again I insisted he couldn't do it, and added he might get offended if she asked him. Although she doubted my words, she finally gave up.
And this is just the tip of the iceberg. When people back home find my husband has previously spent time in Japan, he's been asked, "Is that where you got her?" (in reference to me, his obvious souvenir wife). I'm also approached with questions of, "Do you speak English?" (Wouldn't it be easier for them to just speak English to me and find out?) and the ever-burdensome, "Where are you from?", to which my first answer is always rejected, as I couldn't possibly be from Idaho. Speaking of the Gem State, do you think this is more of a problem there than other places in the U.S. because they have so few Asian Americans? Will things be easier when I'm in Oregon? I hope so.
:
geez...just when you think japan is old fashioned...i am reminded of all the closed minded americans out there...
I hope this doesn't come off as the type of comment you were just talking about..but...i have a friend who is half japanese in the states..he has never been to japan, and probably doesn't know a lick about japanese culture but i found something sort of intriguing about him. first of all he sleeps on a futon on the floor. he built a desk very low so he can sit on the floor all the time. also, he has that oh so popular eczema at the crook of his elbows. i don't know if it is a coincidence or what but i couldn't help but notice these similarities to japanese culture.
Geez, what comments.. And from your own relatives too!
Ya, I'd say you'll have a lot less of that out West (mind you I've never been to Oregon).
And not to make generalisations about people from "small town America" or anything, but people living in less diverse places can definitely be pretty narrow-minded..
P.S. Did you get the lovely photo I emailed you? ;)
Alex: People in Japan are confused about what I am, too. But it's not nearly as frustrating, because I'm not a total member of their group.
Sarah: Did your friend's Japanese family come to the States before or after World War II? I think a lot of the ones whose families came over before the war really lost a lot of the Japanese culture. For one thing, the ones that were relocated had to answer a questionnaire, denouncing their ties with Japan or go to an internment camp (Tule Lake) that was more severe than the others. My dad ended up in Idaho because of the relocation when he was in high school, otherwise he'd probably still live in California. I think because of the loss of culture, a lot of the generations now have tried to recover some of the culture (look at me--I'm in Japan). Maybe this is why your friend likes sitting on the floor? (I can't imagine why else he would like it.)
As for the skin problems, most of them either seem to have really bad skin or really good skin, don't they? Hmm... My mom has eczema, but she's very much Caucasian. Let us know what you find out, Alex.
Laura: Generalize away about small-town America. Boise's not that bad, but almost anywhere else in Idaho is pretty bad. Idaho and Utah are still the biggest supporters of the President you-know-who. And, yes, I just looked at the photo you sent me. I'll be filling out the form shortly. I don't know if I have any good pictures of me, but I suppose just about anything's better than that one.
it will DEFINATELY be better in Oregon. Geez! Granted, I grew up in NY, but I know many many people who would shoot you if you ever said anything like that. Whatever color your skin is, you are AMERICAN....that's the beauty of America in the first place. I've also never been to Eugene, but I just have a feeling it's got to be more open minded. Wow....
I'm sure you're right, Victoria. The really sad part about the whole Idaho ignorance thing is that they truly have no clue and mean no offense.
Small-town cluelessness can be a drag, or it can be droll. I'm always amused by anyone who can say "those people" with a straight face.
I dunno. I grew up in a small town, and I'm sure I had to learn by stereotypes, then exceptions, then contradictions, like everyone else. It's still my perception that a person whose features aren't European gets a lot less odd and "clueless" questioning in the States, even in a small town, than someone with European features gets, here.
What kinda surprises me is that someone would automatically make such assumptions about you. Maybe it's because I met you in Japan, where I had ample basis for comparison, but I wouldn't have thought, "Oh, she must be Japanese," when I met you. I'd have gone through French, Cherokee, and probably Lebanese (OK, I'm as clueless about Middle Eastern ethnography as the next small-town boy) before I got to Japanese.
Shows what I know . . .
Oh, and I do like to tell my oh-so-modern Japanese students how much every little silly thing they don't know much about in Japanese culture is *fascinating* to Americans, who don't know *anything* about it. I like them to enjoy their position of cultural power.
But, oh, how weird it is to be an alien in one's own homeland! I suppose you must either enjoy it or grit your teeth.
Oh, and I don't like the new wallpaper. I can't read your posts.
Cheers,
PGE
I like the new font, and I like the new background, but together I can't read them without straining my eyes... the patterns still blend. I'd keep the font if one has to go, though, it's quite pretty.
On the culture thing, I just have to mention a friend of mine in England who gets exactly the same reaction when people meet his wife.
When they say something like "Did you find her in Japan?", she usually pops up and says, "No, I found HIM wandering in the streets of Nagoya trying to find food and took him home."
PGE: Well, I don't know if most people recognize me as specifically Japanese in Idaho. Usually it's "Oriental" or "Chinese" or "Korean" or whatever Far East ethnicity comes to their mind at the moment. Some of them don't even realize there's a difference between all of them. Like someone married into my family said after being corrected on stating that I was in China, "Well, it's the same thing." Here, presumably because of the many comparisons to full-blooded Japanese people available, foreigners ask me a lot if I'm Russian, unless I'm dressed in my Japanese-style clothes.
Usually I take the cluelessness of small town thinking in stride, but I've realized how much I truly hate it now that I've been away from it. (Well, I've been away from small town American, thinking, anyway.) I have on occasion rebuttled. For example, by responding to "What part of Asia are you from?" with "What part of Europe are you from?" That tends to offend people, though. It's great. And in my younger years I was entertained with hilarious pickup lines like "I've always been fascinated by the Orient." So it's not so bad sometimes.
Anonymous: Is your friend's wife also English, or is she from Japan? Either way, it's rude to ask in that manner. Nice comeback. ^_^
The new new wallpaper is much better. My eyes have stopped bleeding and are now tearing up with gratitude.
I always warn my students who might travel in the US that Americans simply cannot tell the difference between Asian peoples by facial features. One can learn, but you need examples and corrections. It would be nice not to have folks grabbing whichever one (usually Chinese) they think of first and sticking whoever they meet in it, though: I tell my students to be prepared for the day they go out for [American] Chinese food and get asked, "Oh, is it just like home for you?" Cluelessness can be fun for the forewarned, I hope.
Cheers!
PGE
People here think I'm from Britain because I'm "too polite to be American".
...Not sure that has much to do with your post. I like to think you wouldn't face this problem as much in Seattle, but I don't know. I can't speak for Oregon. But honestly, JG, people are going to make assumptions. Living in Japan and Taiwan as a caucasian, people make assumptions about me. I know that's not quite the same, but...*sigh*. I don't know what to tell you. Aren't the Japanese making assumptions about you, too?
PGE: You're welcome for the change of wallpaper. It seems it was bothering others, but they had been afraid of coming forward (must be my huge biceps). So thanks for letting me know.
KD: Yeah, Japanese people make assumptions about me that are annoying sometimes, but it's just not the same. I mean, I am culturally different from them.
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