Why I Will Miss Japan (Reason #11):

Crazy Conversations with Japanese People

I've had many chats with Japanese people (in both Japanese and English) that went awry because of some sort of misunderstanding. Some of them led to frustration, but most of them just led to laughs. Perhaps the one I will remember the most is a discussion I had with the baseball coach at my school shortly after arriving. It went something like the following:

Coach (smiling broadly): I have herpes.
Me: Excuse me?
Coach: Herpes--I have herpes.
Me: Uh, you have herpes?
Coach: Yes. I have herpes. I have herpes like the princess. I am like royalty. (He then crosses his arms in pride.)
Me: The princess of Japan has herpes?
Coach: Yes. And I have herpes, too. I have good blood.
Me: Are you joking with me?
Coach: No, really. I have herpes.
Me (convinced there must be a pronunciation problem): Can you spell herpes for me?
Coach: H-E-R-P-E-S. (A gigantic grin came over his face, as he was proud to have finally brought me to understanding.)
Me: Oh. (Nope, no pronunciation problem there.)

I then exited the conversation as quickly as possible, as I was getting the creeps.

After work that evening, my understanding of the situation became clearer as I was watching television. The news reported that the Japanese princess had developed shingles--a non-sexually transmitted type of herpes--as a result of stress. So the baseball coach didn't have a VD (at least not one that he was openly telling me about).

The next day, the coach was once again bragging about his "herpes." I responded in a low tone, saying, "In English, 'herpes' usually means (pointing to my electronic dictionary's Japanese definition for 'venereal disease')," and told him that he should say 'shingles' when speaking in English. He wasn't embarrassed at all, like I'd thought he'd be. In fact, he busted up laughing, and for the next few days he kept saying, "I have herpes," everytime he saw me.